No Michelin Guide for Iowa

Today from the Michelin Guide people, presented here without comment or defense.


NEW YORK, Oct. 9 — Michelin said today that Iowa will never be given its own version of the famed Michelin Guide. Representatives of the venerable institution that is the Michelin Guide said that even though many residents of the state resemble Bibendum(R), better known as the Michelin Man, the food served at most establishments could not be considered cuisine.

“The pork tenderloin hammered flat and deep-fried until it is dry and served on a roll from the local Hy-Vee is not worthy of our attention,” said Jean-Luc Naret, director of the Michelin Guide. “It is always shit, even when the establishment labels the dish ‘our famous’ or ‘world’s largest.'”

It remains to be seen whether any city in this culinary wasteland will ever be graced with a guide outside of, maybe, Chicago. When the results of the Michelin Guide New York City 2008 are being celebrated during a special panel discussion event at 7 p.m., Thurs., Oct. 11 at Borders Books & Music, Time Warner Center, the entire region’s food culture will be mocked by a panel of expert foodies and other Important People.

Points that the panel will likely cover are that it is impossible to delineate Iowa restaurants into different cuisine categories; probably no restaurant would be worthy of even a single star even if any Michelin inspector (shudder) ventured within the state’s borders; and pretty much every restaurant in the state serves a menu with two dishes and a glass of wine or dessert for $40 or less, making the Bib Gourmand category completely superfluous.

Michelin argued that by refusing to print a guide to the any part of the Midwest it was sparing the population there from the elitism of “trophy dining” and related debates that plague true appreciators of food in the United States’ real cities, like New York City, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and San Francisco.

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