One afternoon in Cupertino

Steven P. Jobs: Those fuckers are out to kill us, Phil.

Philip W. Schiller: I know, Steve, I know. Android keeps gaining, and OS 4 is just catching up to those assholes.

SPJ: And, really, how long can our magical revolution last before there’s a tablet that the Windows-box-buying slobs champion as open? And the new phone is a few months away. And still on AT&T.

PWS: I’ve been thinking about ordering an Incredible. At least until I can tote around an iPhone HD without the stupid-ass 3GS camouflage case.

SPJ: Goddammit, Phil, you wouldn’t.

PWS: I’m fuckin’ with you, Steve, but I’ve got an idea.

SPJ: Lay it on me.

PWS: Say one of those guys working on the new phone takes a prototype off campus. And he loses it.

SPJ: We yell and yell and yell and yell and then can his ass.

PWS: No, Steve, I’m saying what if we actually have him do that? Lose the phone on purpose.

SPJ: Are you fuckin’ insane?! I’d eat your fucking liver.

PWS: Listen: some dickhead would find the phone, figure out what he’s got and turn around and blab to someone, probably a place like the Wall Street Journal or The New York  Times or whatever. If he tries to return the phone, we just ignore him until he goes away. Then BAM! Plausible deniability! We own the news cycle again!

SPJ: Nobody’d believe a bullshit story like that.

PWS: We’d kill any hope those assholes in Redmond would get any press for their stupid pinky phones.

SPJ: …

PWS: We’d get another hit off the old hype pipe.

SPJ: Phil, you’re a genius!

PWS: You really mean that, Steve?

SPJ: No. It’s the dumbest goddamn idea I’ve ever heard.

PWS: Well it beats all these random fuckin’ e-mails you’ve be sending to customers.